TonytheRainbowHealer

Welcome to my website (which is conveniently also my blog)!  Today is my 43rd birthday, and I can’t think of a better day to compose my first post.  I originally started my healing practice and blog in 2013 but after much effort, life eventually got in the way, and I had to put my healing practice on hold for several years.  After much reflection (particularly after the extraordinary events of 2020 to present, both personally and globally) and the Universe basically screaming at me to get on with this and begin to do what I came back to this planet to do in this life, I’ve decided to give it another go.  

It has been a long journey and a roller coaster ride to get to this point, but I know my true calling and purpose in life.  I have just come to realize that I have to do the work that makes me happy and fulfilled and to use my time to work on my true passion which is helping others and stepping into my role as a healer and spiritual teacher.  So, how did I get here? And now a little personal history…

My youth was mostly happy.  I had a wonderfully loving and supportive family.  I had amazing friends, and I did very well in school.  From an early age, my parents instilled in me a need to be successful and to work to do well in life.  They also taught me how important it is to be polite, kind, and to treat other people with dignity, love, and respect.  This all was working well for me until approximately puberty.  Little did my watery (I am a double water sign – Pisces Sun and Cancer Rising), emotional, and sensitive self know what was about to hit him.  First of all, it was a rude awakening to find out not everyone was brought up the way I was.  Some people could be hateful, mean, nasty, abusive, and hurtful.  Second, I suddenly found myself being attracted to males.  How the hell am I supposed to be gay in a world that finds homosexuality amoral, repulsive, and evil?  How am I supposed to love myself when society seemingly does the opposite because of who I am?  The town I grew up in near the Portland area was not exactly a hub of diversity so surprise surprise…I became a target of bullying.  I went through junior high school with about two friends.  I was routinely picked on, called names, and beat up.  People said some of the cruelest things I have ever witnessed in my life.  Rather than stand in the power of my own light, I chose to think there was something wrong with me, and this set me up for several decades of dysfunction.  It didn’t help that religion and mass consciousness were projecting to me that everything about me was evil, and I was going straight to hell.  The incessant and never ending physical, mental, and emotional abuse certainly didn’t help either.  Being on the verge of suicide, I quickly decided that I needed to disregard anything spiritual and become an atheist if I was to have any semblance of a life.  If religion preached such hatred, then I wanted no part of it.  It clearly couldn’t be true since I was born this way.

I discovered theater, choir, and dance in high school and the performing arts became a good outlet and release.  Arts people are my peeps, and I felt at home and more accepted.  College happened, and I felt much more liberated.  People mellowed down and society became a tad more relaxed in its views towards homosexuality.  I surrounded myself with like minded people and all seemed great.  Unfortunately, I  had cut myself off from Source and the very nature of who we are as spiritual beings- little balls of love and light.  A darkness was growing inside and it was consuming me.  That darkness was self hatred, self destruction, escape through drugs/alcohol/sex/food/pick your poison, depression, despair, fear, and a general sense of lack and love for anything in life.  The darkness caught up with me in 2007 when I finally had a dark night of the soul.  All began to fall apart in my life (Saturn return issues alert!).  Problems with family, friends, health, career, finances, pets, grad school, and housing all came to head at the same time.  Again I was in the pit of despair and on the verge of suicide, when I watched a program on the afterlife and the Tibetan Book of the Dead.  Something prompted me to learn more about death, and I was led to a web page on near-death experiences (http://www.near-death.com/ has hours of fascinating reading if you ever want to enlighten yourself).  There is a whole section on that website on gay and lesbian near-death experiences, and as I began reading through the page something happened.  I suddenly opened up to the possibility that I was not evil and going to hell.  That the spiritual can and does include me too.  Gays and lesbians have the same near-death experiences that everyone else has.  They go to heaven too.  I suddenly realized I really was created this way, and it is not a “sin.”  Then something amazing happened.  It was like a thunder bolt zapped me in my head.  Uncontrollable sobbing and emotion poured fourth.  I heard voices and saw wisps and flashes of light.  I was surrounded by angels and guides, and I felt a high like I had never felt before.  My crown chakra opened and love and light began flowing into my body.  I felt like I was on some sort of MDMA like drug or something and this feeling continued strongly for a week.  Little did I know, this was the moment that would change the course of my life forever.  I continued reading through the website, and it was like I was re-remembering everything I ALREADY KNEW – who we are, where we come from, what our purpose is, what happens before we are born and after we die, what God is, what heaven and hell are like, that reincarnation is a fact of life, etc.  It was such a surreal experience because none of this info was anything I had considered as having any validity before and now I just knew that this was what reality is.  

The next several years were spent absorbing all spiritual and metaphysical information I could get my hands on.  I discovered astrology, Reiki and energy healing, numerology, dream work, meditation, crystals, tarot cards, paranormal studies, and learned a bit from all religious and spiritual paths.  I have been particularly drawn to Neo Pagan, new age, Buddhist, Hindu, and indigenous earth-based religions and rediscovered the words of Jesus and heard them in a whole different light.  Even still, I don’t categorize myself as religious and instead like to view myself as spiritual (religion just has too much dogma and rules for me).  I look to find the Universal truths in all paths.  As for my career, I chose to move into non-profit work which was not exactly what I studied in college.  My soul (pun intended ;-)) purpose in life became to succeed in a career where I would be helping other people.  That is all that mattered to me.  I spent 5 years in my role engaging volunteers at a local Seattle non-profit. It felt good to be inspiring others to give back to community.  While non-profit had it’s rewards, it also had its drawbacks, and I quickly learned I wanted more from my career.  Non-profit work is exhausting, and I spent a lot of my time feeling undervalued, unappreciated, under-resourced, overworked, overwhelmed, and underpaid.   Non-profit still contained a lot of the traits and structure I disliked about the corporate world.  I desired to be in control of my own career and not to have to answer to anyone else.  I also want to help people more directly and in a more personal way.  My passion was quickly becoming the spiritual (or woo woo as us involved on this metaphysical path often refer to it as).  My intuition had already began opening up since 2007.  I started having prophetic dreams, visions, and hearing/seeing/feeling ghosts, guides, angels, demons, etc.  I began taking classes, expanding my energy, and raising my vibration.  I began to learn to heal myself.  

After I closed my business the first time, I detoured my career into healthcare working in admin for an LGBTQ primary care clinic for five years, then admin for a university for another year and a half before I got laid off due to the pandemic.  While at the university, I was enrolled in the Masters of Public Administration program with thoughts that I would move into that field.  At every turn though, I really just found myself having no interest in all the above things and being left with a sense of emptiness and going through the motions for work.  So much of it seemed like I was just conforming to a dysfunctional system of oppression which I wanted no part of.  I didn’t want to conform to the egoic needs of the patriarchy and keeping up with the Joneses…I wanted to make my own rules and change the system and live in harmony with myself, others, the planet, and the Universe.  The pandemic and unemployment forced a TON of reflection for obvious reasons and then I dealt with the death of my best friend and furry companion and several family members, and I realized that there is nothing else I am supposed to do other than step into my power as a healer and spiritual teacher, so here we are again.  I’ve been given these gifts by Spirit, and it would be criminal for me not to use them to help others.  

Why am I blogging in addition to starting my own practice?  Back in the days of Myspace (oh dear…), I used to thoroughly enjoy writing.  I received a direct message from Spirit telling me that I am here to pave the way for those who will change the world and that the time is now for me to get this started.  This is the moment that life has been leading me to.  I am an old soul and have lots of spiritual wisdom and experiences to share, and this seems like a good venue for getting that info out.  We live in times of great change and our generation and the next generation will be responsible for either choosing the path of spiritual destruction or spiritual awakening for mass consciousness and earth itself.  Our Mother Earth has some serious issues going on right now, and the decisions we make today can decide humanity’s fate.  Look for future posts discussing metaphysical and spiritual insights I receive from Spirit as well as for general metaphysical information.  I am certainly not done evolving and healing myself, and I hope to use this venue to document my own growth and change.  I also am going to be doing regular videos on YouTube here too, so feel free to subscribe and watch there if you hate reading.  I have a group of other healers and light workers who I work with too, and we hope to have a healing center website featuring all our services, classes, and retreats we intend on hosting so stay tuned.  Perhaps some day we will have a physical healing center even, but that is a way in the future.  

For now that’s all I have to say, but I wish you love and light and a happy birthday to me!